Wouldn't it be nice

I am disgustingly prideful. If your eyes are good you can already see that from my last post. I'm running around thinking I should/could be a monk. Why not be a hieromonk, or a bishop? I'm sorry for the disgusting pride in my last post.

It is not however limited to my last blog post. I'm too quick to anger. No one I know would think of me as an angry person, but in my pride I end up raising my voice to defend my position. I'm the one to push that to the next level and start yelling. It's something my dad just called me out on. We were talking about money, and the business he owns that I've been helping at. I just went into a defensive mode and started raising my voice. I'm stressed that my college loans are going to begin needing paid off in January and I'm making so little money. I'm stressed that the project I came here to do sales for still has not launched. So my father sits down, he calls me out and says, "Your angry, Son, you're raising your voice and I wish you could find a better way to handle that."

"Yes, I am," I say tensely.

So we have a talk, and we calm down and share our thoughts about the way things are and how that provokes us. That's when he says something like, "You get angry quicker than me." And so I sounded off with an acerbic comment, "Well we should just give you a pat on the back, huh Dad."

"No, I don't want a pat on the back, it was not for me, that was about you. You get angry faster than I do."

And I was ashamed, I looked down seeing the reality of the truth of his statement as well my putrid smelling response. I have a long road ahead of me.

Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.